How to Be Vulnerable (A Guide for You, Independent Lady)

As a woman with a sensitive heart and a tear that's never too far away, I spent the first part of my adulthood putting up a wall of invulnerability. And I've been spending the last few years painfully stripping away that wall and being frighteningly, pathetically vulnerable. A friend recently explained an epiphany she'd had -- A cute guy who was in her life for a few hours due to technical household difficulties twice offered to help her with something that fell outside of his professional duties. And twice she refused, only to realize later … [Read more...]

The F Word: Femininity

Why can't a smart woman love fashion? asked one of my favourite humans, author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, recently in Elle. In the essay, she writes about a struggle that many young career-minded women confront at one time or another -- Does my desire to be successful mean I have to suppress the joyful femininity that is at the core of my identity? … [Read more...]

Be Real Sexy

First, a little digression -- I think my brain imploded last week due to the media reportage of the VMAs and of one particular starlet whose booty popping antics created a storm. I did not read even one article on this topic, and yet I have felt bombarded by the coverage. So before diving into my topic, I would like to challenge the feminist media to NOT RESPOND to the hype … [Read more...]

Grown-ups are Sexy

Last weekend I left the house wearing leggings. As pants! I know, I know, you may judge me harshly. But I did a survey beforehand and my Facebook friends seemed to agree that, because my long top covered the crotch/ass area, I wasn't guilty of a fashion violation. Most even said it was a good look. So out I went to the coffee shop and to run errands. I liked my outfit plus it was super comfortable. But something felt just... off. … [Read more...]

The Feminist and the Cowboy — Book Club, 4th ed.

Yeehaw, giddyup -- that's how I feel about this book. At times it angered me, at other times I was nodding my head in agreement, and the rest of the time I just wanted to pour the author a nice soothing cup of tea and tell her to relax. The feminist of the title is author Alisa Valdes, a 40-something divorced mom. The cowboy is an older, rather conservative ranch manager. This memoir … [Read more...]

Lipstick vs Feminism

"You're the kind of feminist I like" more than one man has said to me when discovering that I have a degree in women's studies, yet have long hair on my head and none on my legs. In an ideal world, a feminist can be butch or feminine or gamine or sporty or granola or whatever, but in this world a woman who calls herself a feminist invites weird stereotypes, or simplistic labels like "lipstick feminist". Yes, really. … [Read more...]