New Year: Excitingly Fresh?

I’m not sure whether anyone that’s met me would describe me as an optimist. The reason for this is that I, unfortunately, share the disease of my tribe (The Librarians): Spot-the-problemitis. An analytical mind that cannot be turned off, except very rarely and just long enough to enjoy some chick lit, makes for humans that are not only a bit annoying, but also rather glass-half-empty at times.

But this is not a rant about librarians (these are my people, after all).

My friend Sam (he's the fucking librarian)

My friend Sam — he’s the fucking librarian, motherfucker

Back to what I was saying… Despite the impediments of my detail-oriented brain, I do love anything that smells of a new beginning! It’s not that I think my life is terrible as it is; it’s just that I hate stagnation. The irony is that I can happily daydream away a 3 hour train ride, or stare out the window for half an hour with my coffee on a Saturday morning, but when it comes to major life things, I am supremely impatient. Change makes me uncomfortable yet I crave change. This very blog is the product of a general malaise that plagued me for almost 2 years. It caused me to undertake a self life coaching process that ended with the realisation that I need a big creative project.

Actually, I think perhaps part of being afflicted with spot-the-problemitis means that I’m always looking for new amazing solutions to problems. In that sense, maybe I AM a bit of an optimist! I believe there’s a brighter future! This is clearly why I enjoy astrology so much; at the first of each month, I look forward to reading my horoscope because I just can’t wait to find out about how fantastic things are about to become.

Smile!!!

So, imagine my disappointment when, at the end of December, I found that I wasn’t super excited about the new year. I tried to get myself pumped up by thinking of what my new year’s resolution might be and came up with nothing but this lame duo: finish up last year’s resolution (which was to declutter; I still have to tackle my kitchen), and get more sleep so that I can more consistently get up early to work out. Really? GET MORE SLEEP?! How boring can I be?

On the bright side, I’d say I’ve already had at least 2 new beginnings this year and that, perhaps, I don’t need another. The first was that I started eating meat again after being vegetarian for 20 years. Anyone who has ever prayed at the altar of veg knows how major this is! Directly linked to this was the fact that, through self-experimentation, I finally figured out that eating wheat was what was making me feel achy and vomitty all the time. Wrap all this up with a bunch of research on how sugar affects the body and you have a whole new Brenda feeling great and, for once in my life, not hungry all the time. Yay!

The second thing was, as mentioned, starting this blog. It took 2 months for me to work out the concept and the tone for the blog, and I even hired a logo designer. The whole process was incredibly satisfying and proved to me that I do have a creative vision. Despite my earlier ramblings about librarians, I do like my job a lot. But I need more. Apparently, I need to put my words on the internet for anyone to find. So there.

All that to say, everything was already going well as 2013 approached (I even had someone to kiss at midnight!) and so, for the first time in forever, I really wasn’t feeling a big wave of excitement. Maybe I should just be feeling a big wave of gratitude instead! Besides, I’m certain that I’ll be able to over-analyse myself into a new funk soon enough. And then I’ll have the satisfaction of searching for and researching a path to another new beginning.

Anyone want to inspire me with your new year’s resolution?

Comments

  1. Have I told you I love your blog?

    I’m not a librarian, but I am a scientist. Or was when I graduated.

    A really smart friend of mine who is adamantly against self-improvement recently posted on her facebook wall: “As the new year approaches, I encourage you to be weary/suspicious of self-improvement – you are likely pretty awesome already.”

    Although I enjoy the idea behind this statement, I am most definitely someone who gets so excited about finding solutions to problems that I would say I constantly look for problems to solve, and sometimes even create them. Ask my friends.

    I have often wondered if my own need for self-improvement might just be my ego needing me to be important, useful, but most of all necessary. I wonder if the problem with self-improvement is that I think I have to find something wrong with myself before I endeavour to grow.

    I remember another friend of mine around this time last year confessed to me that she was feeling lost and not sure where to direct her energy in her life. I remembered that my sister had once told me that I needed to let life happen to me and how liberating that was. And so that’s what I told my friend. Just like we let the stars tell us what could happen, it’s important to remember that life will happen to us and we will grow whether we try to or not. We just have to let it. So I guess that’s my resolution. To let life happen to me.

    • Thanks Lisa! It’s very encouraging to know that people read and enjoy the blog.

      Too true about an impulse toward self-improvement being dangerously related to navel-gazing. It’s interesting to note that the self-help movement evolved partially out of feminist consciousness raising groups. From “what’s wrong with the world?” to “what’s wrong with me?” On the other hand, changing ourselves probably makes us feel like at least we have power over something. Whereas taking on the patriarchy is a lot of work, taking on my bad habits seems a lot more doable.

      Great resolution- let life happen! I don’t think that means being passive, but it probably means going with your gut instead of trying to analyse everything. Good luck!

  2. Brenda, you sound like me! I would say that I am a contradicting person, but I found out about two years ago that it probably had to do with my sign: Aquarius. Everything made sense to me after that. I think the best resolution for anyone is to look at the New Year as a positive experience and try to take on whatever challenges come your way—-which is what you seem to be doing quite successfully already 🙂

Trackbacks

  1. […] have made a less boring resolution this year. I’m a big fan of new beginnings, but in the last 2 years my resolutions have been downright dull. In 2013, it was sleep more (not […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: